|
| Have you ever cried so hard that you feel like throwing up?
Have your sobs ever choked your lungs to the point where you can't even breathe?
I have.
Have your tears ever welled up in your eyes so badly that you can't even see correctly?
Have those tears ever stung in your eyes?
Mine have.
| | |
| You know, sometimes I want to update this thing. I get excited.
Then I remember no one ever checks this. I get maybe an average of two comments every entry.
How's that for support? Makes me want to quit this thing.
The only reason I write is in hopes people will read. Or what not.
And if no one reads and no one comments and there is nothing social to it, then it must be a waste of my time. So, we'll see if anyone posts on this thing.
If it's not above a good amount of comments, I may just back up my favorite posts and get rid of it.
Because it's just a big waste of my time. | | |
| Have you ever dreamed a dream where someone was passing by; their form flirting at your fingertips?
And you wake just as your hand reaches out. And you touch air. The whispy massless form that you grab in the palm of your hand: invisible.
It's not the same thing you reached for in your dream. And so, you turn over once again to try and take hold of the dream, to try to search out that someone, that passerby.
You might find yourself there again. You might not.
But the reality is, that everytime you reach out, you do not take hold.
It is as if God is teasing you. Here's what you want, but you cannot have.
Or in my situation: here is what you have, but you cannot have now at this instant.
How very frusterating.
And what can a person do being powerless when power is the ultimate aesthetic gain of the world? What can a person do sitting, thinking, dreaming, feeling with nothing on the receptive side?
Where do you get, when your end is far away? Where do you go when you know you can't do anything?
What do you do when there's someone feeling blue, and you're on the other side of the moon?
What do you do?
Praying, it hasn't shown up yet.
Does God check His voicemail? I should think so.
Did He delete my messages?
Where's He been?
Has He left the office?
Then what of His secretary Jesus?
Then who's listening?
This isn't about losing faith. This isn't about the loss of hope. This isn't about religion, or God, or my beliefs. This is about
sitting
waiting
And even though my day is full of action and the faces of friends and the passing of moments quickly in succession, all of that doesn't and cannot add up to one single solitary moment that I am looking for. That I am wishing for.
Stars shoot across the sky, and I don't think about God and His grand scheme of the world or his supernatural architecture. No, I don't think of the wish to be rich or for the perfect prize I've been coveting after since I was kid. No, I don't think of life being easy or of going to heaven to speak with my Father. No, all of these things I would not wish for. But there is one thing I would wish for, could I find my shooting star. Could I find that moment of them all.
I'd wish to see my baby again. Wish to see her smiling, falling into a helpless run right into my arms. Wish to feel her warm embrace against the cold December winds. Wish to fall asleep and know that when I'm done dreaming, that even if I dream of that someone passing by whose form I am denied, that I will still awake and find the wish dreaming away by my side.
Here's to that shooting star.
I'll drink to that. | | |
| So, first evening back in G-Town.
Was good to see: Alex, Casey, Chris, and David.
Saw King Kong. Major dissapointment. Well made film but didn't interest me at all. I felt it was almost always too drawn out. And too much "stuff" in it. Like excess creatures. I thought. Everyone will love it and diss on me. But that's all fine and dandy.
Cried like a baby when I left mine. Sucked. I didn't think I'd cry, but God sure did break me of that pride. I am a man and I cry. Sorry for those of you who can't let your emotions just move you where they will.
Usually I only cry when God's touching my heart. But, I've found a new reason to cry at times. It's when she's touching my heart. She does it often. The small things. Smalle sayings, small actions, small thoughts, small memories. That's where I find myself venturing. The big picture is beautiful, but the small pieces of it are magnificent.
Anyways, it was hard leaving and I miss her now. You'll probably hear a lot about that. Missing her. I'll see if I can't keep that phrase to a minimum. I know where she is. I know she'll be waiting for my return. I know she loves me.
And she knows I love her.
And everything's good and dandy. It really is.
And now, I'm just up late, because I took me a nice wee little nap yesterday afternoon.
Everyone have a good homecoming. And if you stayed in Arkadelphia for the break... well, I'm sorry. hehe
.Love. | | |
| This has been a movie weekend thus far.
Narnia at midnight at The Rave. Unfortunately, I fell asleep several times. Then had to drive home. Was fun. Narnia was good, but I don't think i'll ever do a midnight showing again. They aren't for me.
Had movie theatre popcorn. It's been awhile. But was good. Except the cournel I got stuck in my teeth. It was a big one too! Got pretty lodged. But I plucked it with some gum. So, gum's good for one thing thus far.
Next comes Saturday evening. Naturally. Movie Gallery it is. I set up an account, got a free gallery rental (Big Fish but I haven't watched it yet) and Matt rented High Tension.
DO NOT rent this. It was well done until the "twist" at the end. The twist sucks and has so many plot holes that it is unfathomably stupid. I mean, I totally felt cheated at the end. On top of that, the first half of the movie was great gory fun. Anyways, don't waste your money on it. It really isn't worth it. Which is unfortunate, because I had heard so many good things about it.
Then I went off to the Kappa House... and met a bunch of crazy people and ate brownies and cookies and drank Dr. Thunder. Tori House a friend of her's came over and we chatted. And Tori says: she likes my hair (thinks it's studly), and thinks i'm funny.
Nice words.
I needed to hear.
And now, I'm getting a lot of good music on my library.
And i'm going to watch Big Fish now.
Love you. Love all.
Love God.
Thank You for everything.
Good and bad.
-j- | | |
|
